Nighttime Hosts Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Program

TV's top hosts spent the evening criticizing former President Donald Trump's just announced immigration initiative, labeled the "Trump card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-to-play scheme for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Pointed Analysis

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday song about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... destroys each thing he handles."

The subject was the new plan that enables overseas citizens to acquire U.S. residence for an investment of a million dollars, with a "premium" version for five million. An official website pledges approval "faster than ever."

"A quick thought here to wealthy applicants: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the scheme is also designed to "extract cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, involving significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you also get free accommodation at a property of your selection – as long as it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The most thorough screening the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will let wealthy foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll numbers amid financial anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a bid to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of food items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting right-leaning news defenses of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.