🔗 Share this article

This period represents a full decade since the word “ghosting” hit the mainstream. At the time, the concept that someone could abruptly cease contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the height of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, finding a significant other has only become more perplexing – an frequently fruitless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a extensive guide to the terms Zoomers is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

---

A

Realness – For gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is engaged or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who forgo having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral traits indicating a prospective partner is not right. Such as calling their exes unstable, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions confirm your choice to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, largely harmless quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {